GOD wrestled Jacob

The mountains heave under the weight of thousands of people and concrete houses

Some random thoughts...

• God, WHAT? were You thinking when You deposited me into a volitile city where I visibly stand out as foreigner? Culture SHOCK!
• Ahh, I get it! There are so many men just loitering about, sitting around, looking unproductive all the time because over 50% of the population is UNEMPLOYED!
• I will celebrate the day I can shoot the neighbor's dogs.
• The Quoteable Dr. Jack: On gaining passage to the Promised Land- "If I were a Haitian, I'd apply for a visa to Mexico and walk across the border into America!"
• On the criticism he's received by Haitians concerning his command of Creole- "Well, the way I see it is that, when I was a baby, I first spoke baby-talk. I then became coherent in my pronunciation. I then learned how to complete sentences. So, I figure that in two or three years I'll get the hang of this thing!"
• It is not generous of the neighbors to share their music with us at ungoldly hours of the night.
• The litter everywhere, the filth and noise of the city, and the cultural chasm between "them" and "us" cannot deter my ardent infatuation with this Carribean sky! Tres belle!
• My purpose in this Blog is to report on life here at an orphanage in Haiti, to be transparent about things between God and I, and to share my scribblings from the past and present, praying that God is glorified and His kids are encouraged by these offerings...
  

Sunday, 20 September, 2009


“Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob’s thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him.” Genesis 32:24,25

Jesus!
Dezod.
You wrestle with this sinner’s heart.
Uhg. grr.
I shouldn’t be surprised to discover that my heart is sinful.
You told me that.
And I believed You.
But this?
Uhgrr.
You really do want everything.
I can’t blame You,
I reject the old notion that You are a cosmic killjoy, that You want to beat me into submission, stifling me, suffocating my personhood.
I choose to believe You are good, You gave me Jesus.
Oh but Jesus, my heart throws doubts upon Your generosity and kindness. I am stuck on me, my kingdom come.
Uhgrr.
You see me clinging tenaciously to This?
Please! help!
You know that song, Please take from me my life when I don’t have the strength to give it away to You. Hear me praying it now. Remember what I am made of. You made me a mere human girl- I’m not much.
But oh! You breathed the strength of Your Spirit into my own.
And that changes everything.
So, You know I’ve given You permission to batter my heart, Three-Personed-God.
*Sigh.
Yes, sigh.

Inside Karibe Hotel, the Paradise in Petionville at which Mr. Clinton and Mr. Preval recently spoke. We go there for lunch when we need an escape.